On this new years day...

I've decided to stop under-estimating myself and open my eyes to the world of possibilities. If I try hard enough I might actually have the power of flight. :)

I'm gonna enrol, and complete a useful course of study.

Actually sleep at night instead of reading and watching movies.

I'm gonna stop watching horror flicks. There are no such thing as ghosts

I will Stop trusting people blindly and stop getting too emotionally attached to people

I will stop getting friendly with devil worshippers, junkies and loonville musicians. They only spell trouble with a capital T.

I will gym harder.. much MUCH harder so that I can loose a zillion pounds and look like an anorexic malnutritioned stick wrapped around with clothes.

Every time my mind takes me down painful memory lane I will pinch myself and snap out of it.

I will stop throwing swear words at random careless auto rickshaw drivers, cyclists, pedestrians who try to get themselves killed while I drive..

Women rule We're the givers of life and doers of all pure GENUINE honest deeds in this world..

promise promises

Maybe I'll actually keep my promise to myself this time around. Maybe I'll follow through with that resolution I've been saving for the New Year.

Or maybe I'll just stay too scared of what you'll think.
If you know. When you know.

How far I'd be willing to go.

How many times I've been so close.

How much I've been wondering.

How much I'd like to admit to you.

How big of a coward I am.

How fucking scared I am this would be the end of something that hasn't started.

How terrified I am this would work. And everything would change.

Maybe.
Maybe I'll keep my resolution.

And let my secret go.

With time

by NancySue Krenrich Hamm


Sometimes I think I still can’t live without you.
A dull ache inside me
Realizes my yearning to be a part of your life.

The years have come and gone.
I never hear your name.
I don’t even know anyone who knows you.

Most of the time I believe I have changed –
Outgrown the ME who loved YOU.
Then,
A song, a scene, a scent
Catches my heart off guard,
And reminds me of you.
Sometimes,
Even after all these years,
I think I still can’t live without you.

Stitched

Left bruised and broken
She stood up and wiped the tears away
Decided she'd start a new day
She needed to heal
"Damaged" she said
And started on the road to repair
Along the way she found something,
Something she didn't expect
Someone new to love
A promise to a possible future
His smile and charm stitched her back together.
Knowing still, she needed to finish the road she started
And along with her, he also needed repair
Decided he could come along and learn a new life with her
Hit a few bumps here and there
But to her no one could compare
She loved him
Yes - She did
So she grabbed his hand
Promised her life
And together - they'd make it.
They'd swear.

Back to me

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
- Taylor Swift

I'm still moving on. and for once i feel like the old person i used to be. (But watch, i bet my life that i will have a different approach on life tomorrow, or in the coming days...) I had a long talk with my best friend last night. i told her how i felt about guys. yes, i am a girl who complains about guys. deal with it.

All my life, people told me i was special . i was pretty, fun, energetic, loving, had a great personality. I guess it just became my nature to dismiss compliments. I'm not one to think highly of myself. i don't like celebrating anything about me as a person. i would rather beat myself down, then actaully praise myself. So now i am growing up. meeting new people, and having a great time. i feel like the girl i used to be...before all the messiness. the summer before my graduation, i had everything. i actually felt good about who i was. i loved life, i loved my friends, family, and everything that was going on in my life. then i started dating a guy, and it was great. well, a year and a half later, that all came crashing down. we broke up in June of 08, but shit has never gone away completely, for either of us. (probably genuinely for me, and well...he's a guy so he prolly just used me to mess with).
He was the love that I missed most when I was blissfully happy and perfect. He got along with my relatives, they loved him. He treated me like a princess. He was the one I have always loved.
When I was his, I was happy. But it wasn't real. Nothing that great is true. We had a love with passion, hate, love, fear, comfort, honesty, pain, happiness, laughter.
He was someone...Someone that I thought was real and true and honest... unless I found out...he was the physical entity of a fantasy I created for myself.

He fell for a girl who loved herself. she embraced herself...imperfections and everything. and because she loved herself, he fell head over heels for her. and since the shit that went down with him...i finally feel like i am that girl again. [don't get me wrong, i'm not going back to being her so he will come back...we are DONE] but before him i was so in love, with my life, friends, myself. and since the past seven months we haven't been dating, i was a wreck. in every aspect. i took it hard, and it was just a bad time. but now, i feel like i might be healing. finally. i might be getting back to myself. and in order to finally see the world that is out there, other people that are out there, i need to be with myself. and so far, i am liking the direction my life has taken me. we'll have to see where it goes.

there will always be a part of me that wonders what if with him. (and i have to admit it, because i am sick of hiding who i am. i have to be honest. to myself, and to others. i don't want to hide anymore, hide anything from anyone. if you don't like it- too bad. if it bothers you, deal with it. i hate to sound this way, but i have to put myself first right now. there will always be a part of me that will still love him, and be in love with what i had with him. he was my first everything. and i fell hard for him. Now things have changed.
I would never want to go back to someone like the guy he has turned into. i will always hold who he was in my mind...and i think that is the best place for now.

It is what I have become.

someday. someday i want to wake up with arms free of burdens.
i want to wake up and feel the world as it slowly creeps into sight.
i want to feel the sun in the morning, feeling the glow from unimaginable distances, slowly warm the altitudes of my face.
i want to hear beautiful words being spoken to me as i smile, gently knowing that this is the life i chose to lead.
I want to wake up to the comfort in knowing that i too am loved.

I want to head out into my day with my head held high, so high i avoid the undoubted fear that secretly grabs at my every being. I want to write with passion. Write the words as i hear them being spoken ever so softly behind my eyes. I want to twist the words i say so that every minute word i utter is dipped in ungodly beauty, begging those that read what i have to say to hear more, more MORE!
I want to know that the life I have chosen for myself is not a mere accident, a well laid plan gone askew. I want to soak in all that is around me, only to absorb it into my fibers. Regurgitate it when it is necessary, to show the beauty to those around me who seek it.

I desire to wake up and feel that i am loved, by those around me and most importantly, by the reflection i see in the mirror. I long to be loved, when in all reality, i am longing to love myself. I cannot just accept who i am, there are too many flaws that stand out ever so unpleasantly. I see in those around me, that that i wish to be. I wish them to be me. I wish to hide in my own skin so that i may become someone else; someone others can be proud to know.
I want to see in myself that which i see in others. I want to see beauty. Not beauty that the world has chosen to depict, but that which radiates from within, that enables you to hold the confidence it takes to get you through your dreams, and into your future. I want to feel like i am important, that my life is not some accident.

If you were to ask me what direction my life is heading in, i would sadly shake my head, place my hands over my scrambled face, and slowly begin to sob.
not so long ago i thought i had myself figured out. I had my life figured out. I knew what i was doing, where my path was beginning to go...
only to second guess my new found confidence.

Now i find myself in a cave of the unknown. I do not know where my life is heading. I see all those around me with goals, accomplishments, and even careers. ME? Im sitting alone in a room, full of objects i surround my depressing self with, hoping that someday i can become that which i long to be.
Everyone said i was going to be someone someday. I think their words were nothing more that disguised curses. All that thought i was going to be something someday, slowly drained the success out of me with every phrase of praise they threw my way.

Won't they be shocked to see what an organized disaster i have become.
a secret meltdown.
a failure.

The meaning of love.

Beginning to question what love is.
Is it what we surround ourselves with? Colors and patterns and fabrics and photos and purses and cars and people and foods we can't live without?

Is love material or is it spiritual?
The connection between two people that can't be without the other.
The feeling of a cold pillow as you are drifting to sleep.
The taste of warm cocoa traveling through your body, easing the shivers winter has delivered.
The way words appear on a page. The way they fit together as tightly as a puzzle.
Butterflies that awaken in your stomach when your eyes fall on that one person.
Fireworks that are set off in your mind when your lips meet.
When your body is held within their arms.

Laughter of a child. Silly little words they try to say.
Clothes that fit as if they were tailored for only you.
Finding that extra bill in your pocket when you thought you were out of cash.
Getting a phone call from a long lost friend.
Having chaos in the kitchen on the morning of New Years, as you rush around anticipating the arrival of loved ones.
Waking up your parents on Christmas Morning, running to the tree. Checking the cookies to see if he really did come.

Making wishes and goals for yourself to achieve when the ball drops.
Growing and becoming someone you long to be.
Achieving your first goal, only to see that it CAN be done.
That YOU can do it.
And then setting your sights on something slightly higher to achieve.

Wedding bells that finally ring after months of planning filled with stress...all brought about by the one thing we all search for.

LOVE.

Because I took too long, the World Died

I remember as a child, I'd pick dandelions, taking a deep breathe and blowing the soft feathery pellets. Watching them dance in the air, as if freed from a burden. It felt magical.

I remember laying in the grass, with my arms spread wide, looking up at the enormity of the sky. The greatness of creation and feeling so small and humbled, but knowing somehow that this is love.

I also remember the first rain of the year. At first its quite, and then from no where, drops of rain take over the sky, and fall gracefully to the ground. My eyes staring outside through the glass window, not wanting to sleep, but just staying awake and watching it rain.

Today, stuck in traffic, and the noise of the television. The famine and the wars, the hurricanes, and the earthquakes. Seems nature responds to our humanity towards each other. We've become ruthless. I wish the serenity I feel and the hope for peace that I crave- I could share with the world. If we could look at the child in the eyes, before we bomb entire villages, before we shoot entire families, before our corporations take over other people's lands and resources--- I wish we could all be willing to sleep one night without food in our stomach and feed the rest of the world.

Stillness in my life

It seems as though life has paused, that time has taken a break. Everything is still, nothing has changed. I feel like a motionless creature in a dark open space in the middle of a jungle. Silence is enveloped around me.

What dreams I dreamt, I cannot recall. what songs I sang, I cannot sing. my childhood memories, my adolescent drama-- I laughed, I cried, and I kept something inside. Now in my early 20s, not old, i know. but still. and im still confused about so many things. People are always saying the most wonderful things. as far as guys and dating goes... it seems very simple. God blessed me, i feel attractive, recieving attention isn't a problem. I want someone for more then my looks and their looks, i want to be emotionally, spiritually, and sensously attracted to them and them to me. I want to experience life and all the beauty, the wonder, the tears and the smiles. I'm afraid of my own emotions, afraid of the intensity of my love for someone. yet like a decorated vile, I want to take a sip, let it run down lips, and then down my neck. I want to then fall asleep as if in a trance. Experience it all on my last night.

The need for silence

Noise, I requested you...to make no more

The wheels kept turning but I stood still. Even now. I'm still just a few feet away from where I turned. I can smell the past, rotting. I look towards the east for a breeze or even a light wind. Has motion ceased? I only requested for silence.

Direction seems to have become lost in a fog that surrounds me. It fills my lungs with such uncertainties and further doubts. It clouds my reason and slowy settles in my chest. Why do I heave and why do I sweat in this unforgiving climate.

Forgive me god and let me rest.

And angels become people...

it just so happens that everyday at a certain moment, time freezes. all the angels descend and they lay down their halos, and fold up their wings... they become people. they become the poor we walk by everyday, the children who go hungry all over the world, they become the unfortunate and the tortured. They become the innocent who are bombed and shot in the streets. And when their day is over... they go back bruised, killed, raped and beated to God.

And God asks them... how has my creation treated you. How has the vicergents of this earth- whom I gave truth, knowledge, wisdom and faith to, how have they treated you?

They need not speak friends. They need not speak. None of us need to say another word. There isn't a word yet created to describe the inhumanity we are all part of.

Seems like it may rain, but it never does

There are signs all around me... demanding me to look them straight in the eye. I hide my face, turn away or walk another direction. But the path is becoming shallow and the roads are becoming straight. There are less and less exits on this highway to whereever.

I look to the sky and now am simply waiting... I've seen the sun, the big puffy clouds. I have seen them merging together, darkening and becoming dense. I shivered at the first strike of lightening and and my heart followed the soft thunder. But now I am simply waiting.

They say there is sunshine, they say there is glee... after a rainstorm they say there is peace. Come what may I am standing here WAITING.

No Solutions, Just Questions and Concerns

"Hypocrite!" mocks the voice in my head. "You're a filty liar, look at you! You're a mess. It's digusting, pathetic and you have no control what so ever- degenerate!"

It's true, I am forced to reply. As my head bows in shameful acceptance and submission to the critical voice inside me. Where am I and where am I heading? Who has come and raped my soul of what I used to be? Or is this freedom? They say city promises freedom and the will to live your life as you choose to--- yet we are sooo unhappy here. Why? A simple farmer in village has more joy in one day of his pure life than I have had in my entire being. Prosperity doesn't guarantee happiness and neither freedom guarantee happiness. We were created as spiritual beings with life.

Life- that beautiful simple element of that which LIVES. It is sooo extraordinary- so precisious - so rare. Imagine, with all the planets, solar systems and galaxies we have searched since our existance- only here on Earth we see LIFE. And on this planet Earth- we (you and I) have the miracle of thought, perception, self-analytical, and abilities to process, rationalize and form self realizing conclusions. HOW AMAZING is this. How wonderful is life.

Why then, are, our days not celebrations of this reality. Why does every person in one time of their life consider suicide, even for a brief moment. We have diverted from the course and beauty of the nature which we bore from. We live life like unsatisfied, miserable, bitter, sex and violence driven antagonists. I have no solutions. Just questions and concerns.

Come What May....

Come what may... I stand at the edge of a rocky cliff... with my arms in a crucifixtion. Let the wind push me if it wills. Let destiny take it's toll. Let death taste my sweet soul and let the maggots have their meal.

Here before you, I stand. There beneath my feet is the soft dirt piled a foot away from an empty grave. wish I could carve my own gravestone. With tenderness write my name. and wash the dust with my tears. Alas, another youth desires death. Another babe is born somewhere far away. What life will he or she live and what death?

Come what may... death is mute they say. No whispers, wimpers or even a sigh. My lonliness lives on even when im in a crowd. I crack a smile and live on. What good am I? What good are they? what a waste! Bitterness and apathy rule the day. Lonliness and evil wreck the nights.

Life accomplishments

A friend of mine has just expressed her disappointment at turning 25. She said she feels like she's accomplished nothing in her 25 years. and I had the exact same thought while walking through town the other day (except we've only been around for 2 years), and I've come up with a list of things that we have accomplished in this time. I think it feels like nothing because the things we accomplish in the first fifth or quarter of our lives seem like things we have to accomplish, or things that everyone else accomplishes. They seem less special because they are taken for granted. I tried to cheer my friend up with a list of what she's achieved, but at the same time it got me thinking "what have I achieved?", and at the same time, "what do I want to achieve in my next twenty years?".

In the first ten years of our lives, most of us learn to talk, to walk, to control our bodily functions, to communicate effectively, to form relationships, to understand right and wrong, to explore our surroundings, to read, to make friends, to treat others the way we wish to be treated, to act appropriately, the differences between want and need, and so many other things. Most of us go to school for thirteen years, and learn new things and learn more on top of what we already know. In those thirteen years we learn how to interact with other people our age, how to deal with people we do and don't like, how to interact with authority figures, to abide by rules that we may not like, manners, to care about others, on top of the school based education of maths and english and history. We learn how to fight and resolve issues, and how to compromise, and also how to go without so that other people may have. People learn different things. Some people might learn how to survive with little, while others may learn that money is the only thing they need. Some people may realise that life is easy, while others will learn how to overcome whatever difficulties they have. Some people learn life skills earlier than others, and some people gain independence before others. The teenage years are full of learning; you learn your body and how it changes, you learn how to form intimate relationships with other people your age, you defy authority and learn the consequences. For some people that last one doesn't happen, and they learn that they can keep defying authority but they don't realise how dangerous it is. Some people learn that love is unconditional, and some learn that it is something that is earned and deserved. Some people are lead to believe that they are not loveable, and those are the people that should be loved the most.

The conclusion of thirteen years of schooling is a big accomplishment, although not everyone makes it that far. The schooling years are often seen as the easiest or the best, but in truth they're really quite troubled and problematic, so it is an accomplishment to survive them, when some don't survive. The things learnt in the playground at school are just as important as the things learnt in the classroom, sometimes more important. The life skills, like communication and interaction, are carried throughout life.

In twenty years I have accomplished all of the above. I've learnt how to communicate effectively and what ineffective communication is. I've learnt how to make friends and how to lose them. I've learnt how to argue, and how to know when I'm right and when I'm wrong. I've learnt to be compassionate and empathetic and to be there for other people when they need me. I've learnt that love is both unconditional and earned at the same time. I've learnt to love myself after I have not been loved. I've learnt just what happiness is by knowing the opposite. I've made friends and enemies for life, and learnt that the enemies don't matter as much as the friends. I've learnt that someone people will just not like you, and you don't have to like them either. I've learnt that real life is very different to what it's supposed to be. I've learnt how to deal in situations that some other people haven't experienced, and I've learnt that some other people will have far more experience in their lives than I have in mine.

I really do feel like I've accomplished a fair bit in this twenty years, even though the majority of those things are things that everyone accomplishes. That doesn't make them any less meaningful. Some people don't get the chances that I get. Even though I've mostly just been doing what all people my age have been doing; finishing school, starting uni, making friendships and relationships, learning life skills, exploring, I still feel as if I have accomplished something. No one will experience their life exactly the way I experience mine, and I will experience my life completely differently compared with everyone else. Now, what do I want to accomplish in the next twenty years? That's a different question, and one I cannot answer at this moment. I don't know. Is 'everything' too broad an answer?

Trainspotting

Last night I was watching Trainspotting, directed by Danny Boyle, and based on the novel by Irvine Welsh. The film centres around Mark Renton (played by Ewan McGregor) a heroin addict in Edinburgh, and his group of friends, as they attempt to come off drugs and get re-addicted, while all the time searching for the perfect scam that will set them up. The film merges surrealism, dark comedy and social realism as it deals with the highs and horrific lows of the characters lives. The film is very different from the novel, which is kind of like a collection of short stories and episodes that are linked by recurring themes and characters. However, while it lacks the richness of the book, the film effectively blends hilarity and horror. In the opening sequence of the film, Ewan McGregor and Ewen Bremner are running down Princes Street in Edinburgh. Also watch out for Irvine Welsh in a cameo as a drug dealer.

untitled

I am a growing little boy,
Hearing whispers of fame.
Stories of great heroes gave more joy
To me than could any type of toy.
I hope to aspire to the same.
For this, I choose society to blame.

I am a vigorous young man,
Craving the glory and honor of war.
I will gladly fight the best that I can
In order to protect my precious homeland.
I know I’ll make my enemies pay for
Their vicious villainy right down to their core.

I am a fatigued fighting man,
Tired of this mundane yet malicious war.
Of this cruelty I am no longer a fan.
And now there is nothing that I want more than
To have known back then what was in store.
I am quite sorry I believed persuasive lore.

I am a bitter old man,
Ready for my end in this war,
Whatever that may mean, and
Now I know that I never can
Return to my youth once more.
I know nothing will be as before

So I am hoping to die in this war.

Art is in the absences, there of.
and if time wasn't art, we wouldn't
follow it.

Worlds

There is not ONE world.

There are 6 billion worlds. Because there are 6 billion people who exist now.

Each of us has our own world.

What is YOUR world like? Your world is your truth. Just as my world is my truth.

I'm committed to MYSELF

I'm committed to :

loving myself

being a better me

appreciating my achievements

appreciating my strengths

creating a new reality for myself

getting out of the shit holes I have fallen into

staying out of relationshits

appreciating others

fighting my fears

pushing my boundaries

expanding my comfort zones

finding my direction

finding my purpose in life

being disciplined

keeping away from distractions that take me away from my goals

achieving my goals

identifying my goals

staying healthy

staying pretty

expanding my social circle

clearing all clutter (emotional, physical and psychological)

being in touch with my own emotions

being real

accepting that mistakes are ok

learning from my mistakes

willing to make mistakes

seeking help to learn new things

asserting myself

Pla See Bo

the day has come
for me to swallow
my pride.
Admit defeat.
Because i don't want
us to end-up
groveling
at the base
of our feet

EnD...

Something to do with you

How many words
does it take
to turn "why",
into "why not"?
Sometimes one word
is the answer.
Because...we wish
we weren't wondering,
"why not 'why'".
instead,
don't count
on the words.
Chances are, we're better off.
Why not?

It's hard to wait around for something that you know might not happen. But it's even harder to give up, when you know its everything you ever wanted!!

Quote

"I have the right to hold an opinion, express it, celebrate it, broadcast it, live by it, and travel with it anywhere I so desire and what's more convince others, by peaceful means, that they should hold that opinion too"
~Ralph Steadman

The run down, gun down

Boy:
all the air goes dry,
and memory fills the eye.
remember the night i died.

footsteps back and poised to attack
with razor blade envy,
aproach from the black

a gust of thrust must bust the crust
like eggshell might, stood up all night
but crumbled all to dust

remember how coi you seemed to the boy
when he steps few feet back
and takes you for joy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl:
this is the time
when no one would wine
or dine by the shore.
so i begged them for more.
said my ego was sore,
but now i adore, how you feel so fine.

remember this
as remembered blis
and put roses on graves
for days and days and days.

this is the day i died,
sea-shells by my side
insisted we confide
in moonlight by the tide.

The Color Black

Black is the color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. Villains, such as Dracula, often wear black. There is black everywhere.

~Untitled~

Wasted ink
From the pen
Writing you a letter
She never meant to send

Promises of a future
Never forget the past
When hearts were being broken
And nothing ever lasts

Alone she sits and wonders
Alone she sits and cries
All the failed attempts
Pile on the lies

No guidebook to love
No secret magic potions
Tear her heart apart
Abuse her emotions

Tell her you’re over
So life can begin
Go back to your ways
Bury your feelings within

You’ll never be happy
The way you were
Because you gave up
On you and her

The Adventure

Our adventure together like a ship out at sea
Can’t help but think, we were meant to be

Waves come our way, and make the journey tough
But I won’t abandon ship because the waters rough

Its the calm and peaceful days, no heavy winds just a gentle breeze
With you in my arms, takes all the pressure, I never want to leave

You’re the air that I breathe, and the sun in my sky
The song that I sing and my reason why...

I wake up the next morning with a reason to live
A smile on my face and love to give

We threw out the compass, a map we don’t need
We’ll trust our hearts, and go where they lead

The past

My mind starts to wander as I lay in my bed.
Thoughts about you now run through my head

I think back to good times like on the grass in the park,
Or walking the paths late after dark

I think how much I miss you when you’re not around,
And how happy you make me when I’m feeling down

There are so many choices in life we must make
But with you, I know it's not a mistake

'Cause one thing I know and this much is true
When everything’s done, I’ll still love you!!

You saved my life

I lay there in pain for what seems like a day
I turn side to side but it hurts any way

My heart is racing and my pulse is too high
And I can’t help but think, "why God? Why?"

My ribs are all bruised and my chest feels so tight
And I lay there expecting this to be my last night

But it can’t be over now, I have to try and fight
Then out of the distance, a light shines so bright

A man walks towards me, could this be an angel?
Someone I know? Or maybe a stranger?

As he becomes clearer I see that it's true
The most handsome man....that man was you

You knelt down beside me and place your hand on my hand
Then touched my fingers and said, "Now just try and rest"

It was like magic my pain had all gone away
But there were no words in my mind I could say

With all but a gasp I said, "You saved my life"
The reply I got back, "It’s my job, you are my life!"

I awoke with a breath like never before
Sat straight up in bed and put my feet on the floor

I realized again all you've done for me
Through sickness you've stayed and it’s helped me see...

...how special you are, how much you do
And all you are to me, I want to be to you

You’re amazing, you're smart, you're one of a kind
And I know for a fact, you're always on my mind

I love you so much and I’ll never let go
Cuz you're the greatest person that I’ll ever know

We can make it together

To all those around us it doesn’t make sense, how close we really are
They don’t understand, they can’t comprehend, how it's possible we've come this far

They don’t want to hear that we talk all day long; they don’t want to hear that we kiss
They don’t want to know I can’t stand when you're gone, and the only one I truly miss

They expect us to be friends and play by their rules; do everything they want us to do
But all I know is, at the end of the day, nobody means as much to me as you

Its tough when you're gone, and ya babe, I've cried. And at times I've wanted to scream
But I wait for the day when I hold you again, cuz that's like living a dream

It may seem insane and at times be so hard, but these rules won’t last forever
And I know we'll make it through whatever it is, cuz I know we can make it together

Someone save me...

My mind is trying to kill me,
It haunts me daily with broken memories
It taunts me with visions of loves long lost,
It mocks me as the silent tears fall
Please,
Take me away.

Someone help me...
I cannot take this anymore,
These thoughts are too vicious
I have become a lethal danger to myself,
I am my own now-living nightmare
Please,
Let this end.

In this darkness...
I lie alone, waiting for a saviour,
No one cares to reach out a hand
And I still in this mind relive that moment,
Of a gentle kiss placed upon my forhead
Someone
Used to care.

Out of this darkness..
A child is born unto the world,
A creature of midnight, the daughter of hate
Her cries are piercing and bittersweet,
Her blood is as ice and her eyes gentle daggers
Save her,
She doesn't deserve this.

Blinded again...
I falter in this endless eternity,
I can no longer find my way back home
So disoriented, nothing's the same,
The guidelines have changed and rules are no more
Take me,
I cannot resist.

Weightless, drifting
My mind has wandered off again,
My body is present in a bleeding shroud
Covered in tears and cleansed in blood,
It seems another curtain falls, to lead me away
My role is over,
Done is this play.

Endless, faithless
I await my sentence, I watch for the doomsayer,
I know one approach to put me from my misery
I welcome this painless euthanasia,
With open arms and bleeding veins
End this,
I do not care.

Grandma

In times of trouble you where there, you always had my back
And every time I’d come over, you had fresh cookies on the rack

You could always tell when something was wrong, when something had me down
And yet you always knew what to say, to get rid of my saddened frown

I prayed so hard night after night, for God to keep you here
Cuz I knew it'd be so hard to say goodbye, to someone I held so dear

You wanted to see me "become a big girl" and turn the big "one six"
But I guess God had other plans, cuz that birthday you had to miss

What will never leave my mind; slowly watching you slip away
Getting the dreaded phone call, I’ll never forget that day

So I say now, what I never got to say, as your time came to an end
Grandma I love you, my tough love, my support, and my friend

What you mean to me

Proof left on your jacket, stained by my tears
And the words "I just can’t do it” are left ringing in my ears

I try to stay strong, but inside I fall apart
'Cause every time I leave, I leave behind my heart

I dream of one day you saying, "sir I'm taking her away
Try as I may, try as I might, there’s nothing I can say"

You’re my world, my all, my everything
My reason for joy and the reason for the songs I sing

One thing we can be sure of, times will get hard for me and you
But I also know, with the love in my heart, we can make it through

People ask me how I manage, how I make it through the pain
I tell them "five letters" and babe those letters spell your name

Story

There’s this guy, just normal at best
Nothing great about him, no “S” on his chest
There’s this girl that he’s known for a number of years
She’s been there through the struggles and there though the tears

They talked for a while, then drifted apart
Re-united on Easter, and that’s where we start

They began conversations, they talked and they joked
Yet neither was hurt by the humorous pokes
Inside jokes pilled up, and laughter was shared
Stayed up till early hours, but neither really cared
It seemed to be natural, how they talked every day
Hours and hours, with endless things to say

Then one day in the summer he got the time
And thought to himself, "How I wish she'd be mine"
Thoughts ran through his mind, how much he wanted to hold her
But there was no need for those thoughts with her head on his shoulder

He reached for her hand and his heart started to race
It ended up with a beat at incredible pace
He didn’t feel nervous, that’s not what it was
Yet his heart kept on speeding, but that’s just because….

…he cares so deeply, and didn’t want it to end
And can’t wait for a day when more time they can spend